Writing About Why I Am Writing (insert eye roll)

Blogging, the internal selfie. Look I am smart, witty, ironic, LOOK. AT. ME!

Why I am blogging?? Silly question, but it seems necessary to explain.

First of all because I’m effin’ hilarious. At least periodically I am, definitely when I’m drunk, which makes it more than periodically, but less than daily. Not to worry, I am more often sober than not, which makes me sad. Boo, it would be way more fun if we could drink all the time. But alas, that isn’t socially acceptable.

Second because I have important shit to say. At least it’s important to me and really isn’t that what blogging’s about? People thinking the shit they have to say is so important that other people will take the time to read it? But seriously all my closest friends tell me I should blog or write a book and we know they wouldn’t lie. Right? RIGHT!!!

Third, I am fabulous.

Deciding to write a blog was a big decision. You are opening yourself up and letting the world know things that would otherwise be private and quite possibly better off that way. Moreover, in telling your story, you inevitably tell the stories of the people closest to you, which they might not well appreciate. But I do have a big mouth, err, uhhh… I mean a gift for gab and writing and furthermore I am occasionally hilarious, in case I forgot to mention that. I crack myself up constantly. Maybe in sharing myself, it will help others? Not in some monstrumental earth-shattering way, just by making them laugh or by telling a relatable story. I am not setting out to change the world. I am setting out to make people smile. Whether that is because they laugh or because they relate, so be it. And if I am going to do this, I’m going to be real and authentic. Otherwise, I would annoy myself.

It is also intimidating having an audience listen to your inner dialogue. What if they don’t like me or what I have to say? What if I am dull? If you are going to write a humor blog, it better damn well be humorous! I got performance anxiety just thinking about it. Consequently I started looking around at other peoples blogs to get a feel for this thing I am about to do and let me tell you, I can’t possibly be any more dreary than the person who writes about the entire day of their cat. Over and over and over. Lady get a life, we don’t care that Snickerdoodle took a poo in her litter box @ 1am. Or how about the Asshat who thinks he is being droll and tells you ALL about his relationships with the people in his life while referring to himself in the third person. Does someone actually have sex w/ you? Are you shouting out “Oh baby, yeah that’s how Dan likes it”?? Gross.

So I decided to just do it and see where it goes.

Before we start this journey (now I am assuming a stranger is actually reading this and not just all my closest friends who have to follow me otherwise I won’t drink with them anymore – no more drunkish fun for them), let me tell you a wee bitty about meself. Sorry, I just let my inner leprechaun out for minute, let’s get on with it.

I am an awesome, sexy, funny (did I mention that I am funny?) 38-year-old woman with obvious self confidence issues. I have a tween son and I’m married to a firefighter (sigh, swoon- yes, ladies he is hot). I’m originally from Southern California and we transplanted to “The South” for the opportunity to raise our child in a more suburban environment. OK, fine, it was for cheaper housing, WHATEVER! I have a job that allows me to work from home, so if you don’t like what I have to say, there is no boss to send a screen shot to, just suck it up and go away. Or you can leave a rude comment that will give me something to giggle about, but if you are going to do that, please be creative. I am sure I will reveal more along the way, but that’s more than enough for now.

So to wrap this up, I hope you will be amazed whilst simultaneously repulsed by the weekly internal selfies I provide you. One week it may be my new pedicure up on the table beside a fantastic plate of cheesy chili fries (selfie level EXPERT, my food and my feet!) Then another day I may be in my bathroom mirror, clad in a bikini, with my Granny standing next to me and Vagisil on the counter. I am speaking metaphorically of course, I may attach some pics now and again, but the essence of it will be my prose. At the very least, I hope I entertain you at times. Stay tuned, next time I will actually write about something, rather than writing about writing…

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8 comments

  1. Can’t wait for more!! I am guessing that from time me to time I might be making an appearance in your inner selfies so i will keep in mind to give you some inappropriate inspiration…or just someone to drink with so people don’t think you are a drunk cat lady….😜

  2. BAM! The Allie Heeney blogosphere ball is officially rolling!! Looking forward to reading all about the inner workings of that crazy brain of yours! Good job mama….it’s about time! You are too fabulous to keep it all to yourself!

  3. O.k then …I will be positively entertained by this. Thanks in advance for whatever it is that will be spewing out of that brain of yours.

  4. Nice job using the verbal rhetoric strategies I tried to teach my high school students, Allie. Too bad I won’t be able to use your blog as an educational resource! wink wink.

    1. Weeeellll you FABULOUS person you, who ever you are. I’m not wholly sure what you are accusing me of, but I thank you and it gives me much joy to receive it. I try to write the way I speak, when talking to friends. Those who know me, know I like to put on a good show.

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